i had an amazing journey with God today. 1st of all He answered my prayer so early in the morning while i was literally dripping in cold sweat. yesh the devil really caught hold of me and fed me with ideas but i still choose to praise Him. hallelujah!! 2nd, He gave me strength to pick up my bag and forget about what had happened after school even though i was freaking hurt. yesh i was upset. at the spur of the moment i thought about drowning myself in alcohol during class outing later to forget what was said ( i felt like a trampled sheet of paper). i made my way to the lib and wanted to read my book but my vision was blurred by my tears. funny that i said i would go to the lib and cry in a joking manner but i suppose i was really hurt becuz thou it was just a comment, it really pierced right thru me. my mum was really scared that i would becum one becuz i was almost like one, but i had to really convince her i wasnt. n to have a really good fren saying that u look like one really hurt me. so i had the courage to say whatever and walk on. i suppose u may now be able to sing praises to Him becuz i have decided to move on and take few more steps back on this friendship we have. i knew this day would come. i knew one day u would find another great bud..i admit i wasnt a really good one. i wasnt sent from God. im not God sent. i suppose u found ur God sent friend and im really happy for you. im happy that you had time for ya bm as i was really afraid i came between u two. im glad u two had dinner again. so it finally came... it was only the question of 'when?'. since u are kinda slow, let me sing praises for u in His name ok?

i had a blast during class outing. i played taidi and won a few games. no cash was involved but i felt pretty good as i was a 'rookie' in taidi...lol... drank some alcohol mixed with green tea. the effect wasnt so great. did not feel anything. i suppose i have high tolerance to alcohol as i always dun feel drunk.

but once i got home. i realised that it is only thru Him, and no other alcohol or bailey can replace my salvation.

hallelujah!!!

dear God,

i admit im not a warrior in your name...i have decided to take few more steps behind and sit and watch. i know you are upset with me. but i know one day You will show me your love and make me a warrior for your Kingdom. i took many steps back these few days. please forgive me for i dont know what to do or where to go or whom shall i go to. i have no one. so i have decided not to make my parents think that im some extremist and shall make myself more 'normal'.

please forgive me.

im a broken vessel at Your dock waiting for Your mighty hands to repair me.

amen.