Dear God,

oh no... this is no good! i must pray for erm... what should i call it? erm 'to be there when friends need u but if they dun, just sit there and wait??' oh no... oh no... i should just argh! i mean... possessiveness is a bad thing and i hope im not on that road! no!! i think i just stepped on that path but im not walking on it becuz i do feel a tinge of envy to whoever. but still... envy rots the bones, do not envy, instead rejoice with whoever has been blessed and cry with those who are down. envy is no good. God save me from envy!!!!!! it is my almost number one enemy.

ok next.

i thought all the while im good at acting. i thought i could live life like this. just read books and pray. no bible. no worship. just praise. oh no again. now what? roped into bible studies. how ironic rite? i tot just living like this would be a breeze. how nice. how... save me! i thought i could remain in this cave, under the rock for almost forever. this sucks. im in trouble. serious. i duno what to say. again. i have no one. i could only look to you but i slacked a little by ignoring thy words. how stupid. again back to square one. i have no one. i know where this road will lead me to and i dont wanna end up there again for it sucks! i tot i would be anti -You but i got pulled back in. oh man.... im in trouble...big time.

i should be leaving for australia next year in june. im sorry God. please forgive me for not asking you but i just dun wanna be known as an extremist. yesh i know, im conforming to the world. caring abt what they say about me. maybe its becuz of the lack of trust. oh man... im doomed. i think my position is worst den bud, why? becuz he has to face butcher while you have given your word to him. You know he loves you and you have given him your grace. but me? time again and again i've failed you. i should just be thrown aside and forgotten. do you love me? i think you do. you see? cant you see? its a problem of faith and trust.

help!!