Dear God,

how many times have i cried out to You whenever im in some kind of trouble? how many times have i been reminded Not to go for the Hand but for the Face. how many times have i questioned myself why can't i ever be stronger and be like the rest? how many times have i thought of 'just pray' and fullstop thats it. how many times have i thought to myself that i gta read the bible to know You better, only to surrender to the devil and just pray and go to slp. sometimes my prayers are kinda short and thats it...goodnite and zzzz....i know im some kind of submarine christian. the type who goes underwater and floats back up whenever something happens. like im not sensitive to Godly stuffs. but more worldly but once this child of yours gets into some trouble or falls into a pit and starts crying out for some help, You never fail to help. You may not be always early, but You're never late. i thank You for that. i duno but im was reminded that God chooses a wide range of people and Not everyone is the same. yah, reassuring...but like im just merely living as a christian. no better than some freethinker who wants help whenever trouble brews. how many times have i called myself pathetic only to remember that once we degrade ourselves, it is merely telling God that Jesus died for us in vain and that i do not fully accept the fact that His blood was shed for us..for our sins.

yup, God is good. He never fails to hold me. but how long more can i stay in such a state? do i wait? or what?
i dont know either.
Thank You Lord, for always being there for me.

especially today, again i called out for You to heal me. i swallowed hard every now and then with no difference. the pain still lingered. until i woke up and swallowed again. You're amazing, Father. healed me once more. thanks. this is much more assuring as i know You'll be there during presentation. You'll not neglect us. thank You.

nickelback's far away

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving
Hold on to me and never let me go

yours faithfully

grace